Skip to main content

depression has landed.

Well....I had an interesting night. Went out to dinner with a friend, no wait, work-mate and it was all rather calm to start and then things get a bit personal and he hits a couple of nails on the head with a mallet, possibly a sledge hammer and I am left feeling...well a bit down and alone. I like this person and I consider him my friend. There are a lot of people that I do like and some I consider friends and his comment tonight made me think...it may not be a two way street for a lot of them. Maybe a lot of these people will one day turn around and discard me when I am no longer of any value to them. Happened once already. It's a really depressing thought. Makes me think, the only person I can count on is me and...I don't find it to be a good thought.

I've helped family, I've helped friends and I have been helped as well. It's comforting to know that there may be some people out there that will lend a hand and it's nice to have the ability to help others but...ultimately I can't really depend on anyone....not when the shit really hits the fan anyway.

I got burned not too long ago, does it hurt: of course. Will this break me: nope. Will there be days down the track that I'll feel sad and shed tears for it: yes. Do I regret my decision: I stand by it. Will I forget: no. Will I get over this: yes. What will happen if our paths cross again: I don't know.

It's my birthday soon. A bit of a contrast from last year. I have nothing planned. Am not really excited about it and don't feel like celebrating that much. This year (and we're not even half-way) has been full of accomplishments and new experiences but with it came a lot of emotional upheavals, trauma and depression. I got broken by 2 people who know me a bit too well. I feel a bit like glass or some other ceramic material. Shattered then I go and put myself back together again. There were a few events that have happened this year that I may never forget, nor do I think i will be allowed to.

I miss training hard. I can't believe am saying this but I miss being pushed to the point of exhaustion and tears and a whole lot of physical pain...it's funny coming to a point I want something else to hurt so much that the emotional hurt is overshadowed by it. A bit melodramatic I admit :)

Anyway, sleep and more work tomorrow. Meh.

Popular posts from this blog

Drawing Request 08: A rancid baby teething on the enterprise while a stray shrink ray lies on the porch of the redneck family.

Day 34 and I've finally done another one of the drawing requests.  Only 2 more to go! This one is for my friend Peter Douglas, he requested this on facebook a while back, his request: A rancid baby teething on the enterprise while a stray shrink ray lies on the porch of the redneck family.  This was done with fineliners and brought into photoshop.

I am worried about what's going to happen after the pilot gig.  It's been really slow this year and with financial crisis looming...who knows what's going to happen.  I've never done any other sort of work that wasn't creative...with the exception of that one summer job I had working at a chocolate factory and admittedly that was fun.  Oh the chocolates...so many chocolates...ending up in my pocket (it was all perfectly legal, they encouraged workers to eat chocolates thinking that will make us all sick of it....obviously they didn't know that I could live solely on chocolates).   Anyway, I can't complain, I&…

Bunnylope 003

Howdy!  It's been a while since i posted anything up on the blog.  My bad. I've been super busy with one job after another and I WAS doing a few drawing challenges too before I got overrun with work.

For news, I finished up with one of my animation jobs last Monday, started work at one of my regular studios on Thursday and we're working on a cartoon movie for DVD, did drawing and freelance illustration in between those days and caught up with a friend, somebody was being a jack ass on the tram and I let them know it.   Rob and I also watched Logan, a great movie and I would totally recommend it.

Today, I did a bit of work, received text from one of my employers about more work and we're about to enjoy the day in a country fair.  Well, if we make it in time.  I also cooked up pancakes this morning and it wasn't a disaster.

Our kitty Hanzo (changed from Dorian) is causing a lot of mischief and he likes to eat electric cables.  Guess we have to find something to stop…

Red Robins

Hallo!  Ah....another month has passed and it's taken me a very long time to write.  I don't know what it is but I am struggling to keep this blog up to date at the moment.  Things have been super busy ever since I took the Animation Supervisor role in my current contract.  I find that I don't particularly enjoy turning on the computer after work and would prefer to just read comics to relax.

How am I finding it?  Different.  I miss just being responsible for myself and it's tiring keeping track of a lot of things and people at work.  I feel like I took my lead/senior animator role for granted.  I had to work this Saturday gone past too and though I feel pleased that we managed to resolve an issue that came up, am still feeling some trepidation on what may come up next.  It feels like am solving one problem after another.  Not without raging about it and my expletives have gotten even more colorful since starting the gig.

I have been spending way too much money too.  …